Arriving at acceptance

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WWW.THEPOST.OHIOU.EDU
THURSDAY APRIL 7, 2011
7
ARRIVING AT ACCEPTANCE
LGBT students share their stories about coming out
TAYLOR BUHRING, JUNIOR, COMPUTER SCIENCE IDENTIFIES AS A LESBIAN
I grew up in Alabama and went to Catholic school. I always hung out with boys. I never had time to be the girly girl my mom wanted. My mom was the typical southern belle. I was the first girl. She wanted me in pigtails and frills and signed me up for ballet. I realized I was a lesbian my sophomore year when I was dating a guy and met a girl named Sonni. It was really clear-cut for me. It was a forced coming out to my mom. She walked in when I had Sonni over, and even though we weren’t doing anything, it looked like we were. She just gave me an oh-my-God look. She didn’t talk to me for two weeks, and at the end, she said, ‘You’re still my daughter and I love you, but I’m not ready to talk about it.’ JESSIE CADLE Staff Writer | jc543108@ohiou.edu ——— Editor’s note: While these stories are based on the LGBTQA awareness campaign, they are original. Daniel only gave his first name, as he did not feel comfortable giving his full name in association with this story. Labels such as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and queer conjure specific stereotypes from rainbows to flannel. “I think often our failure to accept people isn’t from hatred or dislike, but from ignorance and misunderstanding,” said Ronald Ransom, a graduate student and the creator of the LGBTQA awareness campaign. Ransom’s campaign allowed users to anonymously submit “their stories” from coming out to coming to college. The goal of the project is to raise LGBT awareness and simultaneously aid members of the LGBT community who need guidance.
Illustration by Linley Myers
“We need straight allies or we don’t have a voice.”
My mom’s coming to Pride with me this year. She’s really come a long way, and she’s still moving. My mom and my sister are my biggest supporters, and I don’t think they even know how much that means to me. My 14-yearold sister stands up to gay bullies, and she’s standing up for me. My 18-year-old brother thought girls being gay was okay because I was, but that a guy being gay was gross. He’s changed his mind, and that’s a big deal. I feel like the big thing with me is that just because you don’t identify as LGBT doesn’t mean you can’t stand with us. We need straight allies or we don’t have a voice. At some point, my lesbian voice is not as loud as my straight 14-year-old sister’s.
“For your parents, it’s a grieving process.”
CHRISTINA SNYDER, JUNIOR, COMMERCIAL PHOTOGRAPHY MAJOR IDENTIFIES AS BISEXUAL
In middle school, I was confused because I knew I liked boys, but there were these girls that I really wanted to be friends with. I came out to myself when I was 14 or 15. I didn’t want to tell people until I was absolutely sure. The biggest issue was coming out to my parents. My dad told me there was something wrong with me mentally, and my mom left the room because she thought she was going to vomit. I can’t begin to tell you the immense depression that comes when your family doesn’t understand you. They took away my cellphone, my computer, and I couldn’t see my friends. I don’t hate my parents for this. For your parents, it’s a grieving process. It destroys their dreams for me. I was scared to be in my own home. I mean, I was literally in a constant state of panic in my house. I want to stress that with my parents, the reason it has been so hard is because they love me so much. I’m a Christian. I went to the leader of our church, and I thought there was going to be a huge battle, getting Bibles out, yelling, but I made my pastor cry just telling her. She told me, “There is nothing wrong with you.” I still attend church on campus with a gay guy friend of mine. I want to stress that my orientation is legitimate. Being bisexual, I am not a whore, and I am not a stepping-stone for being gay.
“I was very fortunate.”
DANIEL, JUNIOR, IDENTIFIES AS GAY
My story is pretty different from most people. Most people have terrible stories: They’ve been disowned or sent to straight camps. I’m really fortunate because my family is open about it. My mom sort of made me come out. I had this guy who was spending the night at my house, and she said, ‘Dan can I see you in the other room?’ She handed me $50 and told me to take him to a nice dinner. I never really had to say it; she just said that the family was happy for me and that it was not a big deal. My dad’s family is very conservative. They are not okay with the whole gay thing. I just have to watch my language and not delve too deep into my personal life. One of the biggest misconceptions people have is that everyone assumes if you are gay, then you are very feminine and you can’t do masculine things. We are the same people; we just do slightly different things in the bedroom. I wish people would set stereotypes aside and see people as people.
“I have brown hair. And I’m a woman. And I’m gay. And they all hold the same value to me.”
AUDREY BONHAM, FRESHMAN, GLOBAL STUDIES, IDENTIFIES AS GAY
I think a lot of people think you need to label people. Why does there have to be this separation between things? I don’t like when people say, ‘When did you first know?’ Because it’s like, ‘When did you first know you were straight?’ I don’t identify as queer because I equate queer with strange, and I don’t think being not straight is strange. I have brown hair. And I’m a woman. And I’m gay. And they all hold the same value to me. Not one of them is extraordinarily strange. When I was a sophomore (in high school), I knew when I met this girl. A lot of people have inner trauma because they are worried what other people will say or think or they feel guilty. I was totally fine with it from day one. The only problem was telling my mom. I told my dad, and he was totally cool with it. I told my mom, and I don’t think she believes me still. She said, ‘Well, you know, it’s college.’ Which isn’t really the right answer. We really talked it out. I didn’t want to leave out a part of my life when I talked to her. My parents are great about it. I’m lucky, but I shouldn’t have to be lucky. Imagine growing up for 18 years in one house with people who are your support system, and then, you tell them one thing that you can’t change about yourself, and you are kicked out.
“I’m just a regular guy who happens to like guys.”
MAURICE TARVER, SENIOR, AUDIO POST-PRODUCTION IDENTIFIES AS GAY
I’ve known probably since high school. Back then I thought I was bisexual because I thought I was supposed to be attracted to girls, so I forced myself to be. Coming out to my parents was the hardest by far, but they were all really supportive. I’m very lucky. When I came to college, I met fellow gays such as John Miller, a founding father of this fraternity: Phi Kappa Psi. I knew it would be a gay-friendly place. I wasn’t out when I joined, but it wasn’t weird or anything. People think that fraternities aren’t gay-friendly, but everyone here is really cool. Most people are shocked when I tell them. No one believes me. They question it to make sure I’m not joking. I would describe myself as masculine, and I don’t associate myself with the more feminine guys. I’m doing this interview because I want people to know that being gay only defines who you are attracted to. I’m just a regular guy who happens to like guys, and there are others like me. I want other guys like me to know that they aren’t alone. I wish we were more visible, but we aren’t because we don’t do stereotypically gay things.
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FANTASY BASEBALL
PICKS
THE MASTERS
You say golf’s boring; I say you’re ignorant. You say Tiger Woods is scum; I say he’s a player on the course and off. You say the Augusta National Golf Club’s male-only membership policy is sexist and backwards; I ask, “Have you really ever watched women’s golf anyway?” OK, let’s stop arguing; golf is a sophisticated game after all. And one thing we can both agree on is that The Masters, the game’s premier tournament, begins today in Augusta, Ga. Four days of the world’s greatest players on the world’s most picturesque course, all in pursuit of golf’s major prize, The Green Jacket. All right, so maybe golf is a little boring, but what else is there to watch during Sunday afternoon — hockey? — Cameron Dunbar
BEING BACK IN AMERICA
I didn’t really expect to experience culture shock upon returning to the U.S. after 10 weeks studying abroad in Spain, but the smallest things jumped out at me when I came back to the country I had called home for 20 years. The toilet flushers were in the wrong place. The colors of the Chipotle peppers were all wrong. People were speaking English for Pete’s sake. The Naked juices had been repackaged, and my favorite flavors were gone. I had to fight to keep from succumbing to a panic attack each time I entered Nelson Market. It took me a while to get used to these changes, but I grew to appreciate them, especially in Athens. After all, the peppers in my veggie burrito bowl might be the wrong colors, but the people in Spain don’t even know what Chipotle is. And that’s something I didn’t miss when I waved goodbye to Madrid. — Rebecca McKinsey
Is there anything better than spring? The weather (presumably) gets better, the school year is almost finished and, most of all, it’s baseball season. More importantly, it’s fantasy baseball season. Maybe I care a bit too much, but I love waking up and checking my team or talking to friends about good waiver-wire pickups or potential trades. Am I a sports nerd? Of course. That should have been established by now. But perhaps I need the excitement now to make up for how much everyone forgets about baseball by July. Moral victories. — Vince Nairn